I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
