he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
