Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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