Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
