Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
