My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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