the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
