I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
