dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
