On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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