I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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