we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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