Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
