i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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