nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
