dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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