it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
