If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
