I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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