i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize