brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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