Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
