all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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