I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
