Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
