Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
