i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
