Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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