Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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