false alarm. still invincible.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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