Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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