Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
