debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
