Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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