yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
