So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
