I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
