it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
