Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
