Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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