Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
