I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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