wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize