are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
