dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
