Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
