Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize