Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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