I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize