please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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