I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
