Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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