you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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