I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
