We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
