My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
