Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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