She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
