hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I understand Curling. That high.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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