Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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