Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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