life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Everything about him screamed your future.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
