i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
