I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
