She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
