WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
