Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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