Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
