My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
