There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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