rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
