I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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