It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
