I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
