is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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