My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
