I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
