Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
