No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
