He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
