i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
