Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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