Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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