on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
