Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
where am i from again
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
