He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
