u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
