Already got asked if we're dating
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
