Don't make out with my wife yet
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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