She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
